( Yuki is pacing restlessly through the greenery (trees, bushes?) in the space surrounding the wishing well, not near it but in the overgrown wilderness around it. He seemed stressed and tired Wednesday, if Ludger caught sight of him then, but today he seems . . . moreso? It just feels like he's really upset.
Ludger may catch sight of his brown-patterned wings in the otherwise verdant greens, or a trail of familiar feathers from those wings scattered in the grass - leading to him pulling at the hair that falls over his shoulder and rubbing at his arms. It drags his blackened hands with sharpened nails (from Monday's transformation, birb talons) along his flesh, but, fortunately, though the nails seem to nick his skin, it doesn't cause any bleeding. He seems to be muttering to himself. )
[ Ludger saw him from a distance on Wednesday, but didn't get a chance to double check on the doll thanks to Rosemary's little event. which he is sorely regretting now, given the shape Yuki seems to be in.
Ludger will quickly approach, cat ears at alert and tail stiff, ready to pounce on whatever has upset the other. ]
Hey, Yuki, what's going on? Are you okay?
[ there are a few bandages on Ludger's arms, and the faint shine of ointment on his skin... ]
( It takes Yuki a moment to seem to register Ludger's said anything, and with some delay he startles - blinking himself into orientation, processing first Ludger's expression, and then... )
Huh...? I'm sorry, what did you... —Are you injured...? Are you okay...!?
( SPIDERMAN POINTING he immediately, without thinking, tries to reach for Ludger's hand to get a better view of an arm. )
[ considering Ludger lets Yuki take his arm without fuss, it can hardly be Spiderman vs Spiderman! yet. ]
It's not a big deal, something just got a little handsy with me. Foxglove took care of me, see?
[ he's fine, nerd! he'll let Yuki inspect the tended to... burn? without complaint before turning his arm over, grasping the doll's hand between his. ]
I think between the two of us, you're the one not doing so hot right now. What happened?
( That's. so ominous. but in favor of not retreading town hall ground, Yuki seems reluctant, but ultimately lets it go... for now.
Ludger can certainly feel Yuki's forehead! He's quite chilly, like his body isn't really retaining heat. Yuki seems, for a moment, to lean into the touch. )
... I'm certain I'm all right. I've just... I suppose it's true I haven't been sleeping well. My dreams the last few nights have been... troubled. But I suppose that is not strange, given the nature of this place.
[ firmly pushing an instinct to just. pick Yuki up in his. mouth????? and walk away, Ludger with reach down to grab the doll's hands and chafe them between his own. ]
I know I've had weird dreams before - they can really mess you up. What have you been dreaming about?
( Ah... the gesture is surprising, but unexpected, and it softens the harsh edges of his ragged demeanor. Warmth helps.
Still, he falls quiet for a few moments, gaze falling to their hands. )
... Each dream feels different, but... each one also feels the same. I'm not certain if that makes sense. I feel... I feel... —Last night, my master... my master before I came here, she shut me away in a toy box. She didn't... need me anymore. But... it was a vast box, and it was cold, and the toys were all of you, deceased. I had to... climb out, but it was endless.
( Too many bodies to make it to the top, the end of the toy box stretching endlessly away. He shakes his head, his hands trembling slightly. It was truly... truly horrible. )
... In the end... I could only hold you all as you were for warmth, but... ( Well. That obviously didn't help. ) ... I just wish I had protected you all. Even if it was but a dream. I awoke in the night with... the most crushing sense of grief, of regret... I've been thinking... what I could do to protect all of you, but...
[ well that's. ominous! and terrifying! but Ludger keeps his voice low and soothing, aiming to calm Yuki before all else. ]
Hey, I don't intend to die any time soon. I'm sure everyone else here is determined to survive too. We can protect each other and get through this, Yuki.
[ ... ]
I don't know anything about your... master, but do you think that sounded like her? Do you think she'd do something like that?
( Though his mind seems to circle around the omens of his dream once more, Ludger's voice isn't lost on him - his brows furrow, but he nods slowly at his words, as if they were a lifeline.
The question, though. He...
... )
... No... I don't know. I'm certain she wouldn't, but... I don't know. ( Nonsense as it is, it seems like he's convinced of both at once. ) ... Before I came... here. Before I came, she... had fallen in love with my twin, who had been lost. I asked her if there was nothing she would sacrifice to return him, and she said there wasn't.
( ... )
... But that is not something I fault Lady Ageha for. I would have sacrificed myself to return him regardless. How could I not? ( Dolls or not, that's still his brother; that's still half his soul. But... ) ... I know... if I had asked if she would sacrifice me... she would have said no.
( But he didn't even cross her mind when he'd asked— but he knows it's not fair. To frame it that way makes it sound like a test when she was grieving, too. To see it that way when he rushed into sacrifice to keep from being certain of her rejection isn't fair.
But it felt like she no longer needed him. It felt like being thrown away. It weighs on his mind so, so much here, every moment of the day. He's... terrible. )
... But that I'm the way I am is... certainly why they no longer need me, now that... they have each other.
( Some time after trial... Yuki can be found in his own cell. He's sitting seiza, hands proper on his lap, gazing at nothing beyond the bars. Unlike the general agitation surrounding him earlier, right now, he seems calm - no scratching, no fear.
Still, his quiet of his morose expression suggests a deep, and unbearable self-loathing. )
[ it's okay. because Ludger will close his eyes for a moment before pushing himself forward. one step, two step, and then he's right in front of Yuki and... ]
Yuki-
[ he crashes down on his knees, and reaches out, trying to hold Yukinosuke. to embrace him. ]
( Oh!!! That... surprises him, and though at first it takes a few moments for the reality to penetrate through the haze of self-hate he's woken up to, when he comes to, Ludger is there, and Yuki does, and will always, hold him back, tight. His eyes are wet. )
... No, I ought to be the one apologizing. I'm... so, so very sorry... for everything. It's not enough, but I'm sorry.
( Ahhh... To Yuki, this is hardly too little, too late. It's never too late to be cared for. He appreciates it so, so much. )
You did nothing wrong. You were just trying to give Miss Reiju and Sir Zvei justice. I'm... truly relieved I was chosen. If what happens to Sir Giyuu happens to me, then... I won't be able to hurt anyone anymore. That's all I could want, now that I'm this way.
... He holds him back, tight, like a lifeline, though he knows he's sinking. He doesn't know why he's always so unlucky. He doesn't know why ... no matter how hard he works, the story always ends with his exit. He just wants to spend a little bit longer with people like this, who are kind enough to give him love. He just wants to do something to make them happy.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
THURSDAY, PRE TOWN HALL
Ludger may catch sight of his brown-patterned wings in the otherwise verdant greens, or a trail of familiar feathers from those wings scattered in the grass - leading to him pulling at the hair that falls over his shoulder and rubbing at his arms. It drags his blackened hands with sharpened nails (from Monday's transformation, birb talons) along his flesh, but, fortunately, though the nails seem to nick his skin, it doesn't cause any bleeding. He seems to be muttering to himself. )
no subject
[ Ludger saw him from a distance on Wednesday, but didn't get a chance to double check on the doll thanks to Rosemary's little event. which he is sorely regretting now, given the shape Yuki seems to be in.
Ludger will quickly approach, cat ears at alert and tail stiff, ready to pounce on whatever has upset the other. ]
Hey, Yuki, what's going on? Are you okay?
[ there are a few bandages on Ludger's arms, and the faint shine of ointment on his skin... ]
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Huh...? I'm sorry, what did you... —Are you injured...? Are you okay...!?
( SPIDERMAN POINTING he immediately, without thinking, tries to reach for Ludger's hand to get a better view of an arm. )
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It's not a big deal, something just got a little handsy with me. Foxglove took care of me, see?
[ he's fine, nerd! he'll let Yuki inspect the tended to... burn? without complaint before turning his arm over, grasping the doll's hand between his. ]
I think between the two of us, you're the one not doing so hot right now. What happened?
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"Something"...? What exactly happened...?
( He lingers there, not registering the other question at first, then belatedly shakes his head. )
I just— It's nothing. I just... I'm... restless... Restless and...
( ...
He shakes his head. )
... It's nothing.
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[ or at least, Kaios will! ]
Have you been sleeping alright? Do you have a fever?
[ Ludger will feel Yuki's forehead, checking for elevated temperatures... poor birdy... ]
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Ludger can certainly feel Yuki's forehead! He's quite chilly, like his body isn't really retaining heat. Yuki seems, for a moment, to lean into the touch. )
... I'm certain I'm all right. I've just... I suppose it's true I haven't been sleeping well. My dreams the last few nights have been... troubled. But I suppose that is not strange, given the nature of this place.
no subject
[ firmly pushing an instinct to just. pick Yuki up in his. mouth????? and walk away, Ludger with reach down to grab the doll's hands and chafe them between his own. ]
I know I've had weird dreams before - they can really mess you up. What have you been dreaming about?
no subject
Still, he falls quiet for a few moments, gaze falling to their hands. )
... Each dream feels different, but... each one also feels the same. I'm not certain if that makes sense. I feel... I feel... —Last night, my master... my master before I came here, she shut me away in a toy box. She didn't... need me anymore. But... it was a vast box, and it was cold, and the toys were all of you, deceased. I had to... climb out, but it was endless.
( Too many bodies to make it to the top, the end of the toy box stretching endlessly away. He shakes his head, his hands trembling slightly. It was truly... truly horrible. )
... In the end... I could only hold you all as you were for warmth, but... ( Well. That obviously didn't help. ) ... I just wish I had protected you all. Even if it was but a dream. I awoke in the night with... the most crushing sense of grief, of regret... I've been thinking... what I could do to protect all of you, but...
looks at this set on thursday morning and smiles
Hey, I don't intend to die any time soon. I'm sure everyone else here is determined to survive too. We can protect each other and get through this, Yuki.
[ ... ]
I don't know anything about your... master, but do you think that sounded like her? Do you think she'd do something like that?
Lol
The question, though. He...
... )
... No... I don't know. I'm certain she wouldn't, but... I don't know. ( Nonsense as it is, it seems like he's convinced of both at once. ) ... Before I came... here. Before I came, she... had fallen in love with my twin, who had been lost. I asked her if there was nothing she would sacrifice to return him, and she said there wasn't.
( ... )
... But that is not something I fault Lady Ageha for. I would have sacrificed myself to return him regardless. How could I not? ( Dolls or not, that's still his brother; that's still half his soul. But... ) ... I know... if I had asked if she would sacrifice me... she would have said no.
( But he didn't even cross her mind when he'd asked— but he knows it's not fair. To frame it that way makes it sound like a test when she was grieving, too. To see it that way when he rushed into sacrifice to keep from being certain of her rejection isn't fair.
But it felt like she no longer needed him. It felt like being thrown away. It weighs on his mind so, so much here, every moment of the day. He's... terrible. )
... But that I'm the way I am is... certainly why they no longer need me, now that... they have each other.
WEEK ONE, SATURDAY, POST TRIAL
Still, his quiet of his morose expression suggests a deep, and unbearable self-loathing. )
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... Yuki.
[ the back of his head thumps against the door. he sounds very, very tired. ]
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... He looks to Ludger. )
... Good evening. Did you wish to speak to me?
( His smile is difficult to read. )
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Yuki-
[ he crashes down on his knees, and reaches out, trying to hold Yukinosuke. to embrace him. ]
Yuki, I'm so sorry-
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... No, I ought to be the one apologizing. I'm... so, so very sorry... for everything. It's not enough, but I'm sorry.
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[ the answer is immediate ]
Do you understand? Yuki, you deserve so much better than this- I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't- I couldn't-
[ he certainly helped point the target at Yuki's back. and there, at the end - he didn't reach out. he couldn't return the embrace. ]
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You did nothing wrong. You were just trying to give Miss Reiju and Sir Zvei justice. I'm... truly relieved I was chosen. If what happens to Sir Giyuu happens to me, then... I won't be able to hurt anyone anymore. That's all I could want, now that I'm this way.
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... He holds him back, tight, like a lifeline, though he knows he's sinking. He doesn't know why he's always so unlucky. He doesn't know why ... no matter how hard he works, the story always ends with his exit. He just wants to spend a little bit longer with people like this, who are kind enough to give him love. He just wants to do something to make them happy.
Eventually, softly: )
... Thank you. I'm sorry.
( For hurting for him. )