Is it really so different? Somehow, I feel like this is the kind of talk that ends up in you telling me to go try out golf or something. I'll give it a fair shake and come back stating the obvious: that it's a terrible sport, and that I don't know why it's the stereotypical pastime for rich people who have nothing better to do with their spare time.
[ ... thinks about who's left of the board of directors. doesn't mention it to Ludger.
continues to dodge any discussion of his wants. ]
Planning on retiring off the nest egg you'll be getting from however long as CEO, huh? Secretary usually isn't in the list of candidates for this sort of thing, but who knows, maybe you can push to get her a promotion to Director or CFO or COO or something before you make HR sick enough of you.
Doesn't that seem a little too self-indulgent? [ and if he keeps his tone amused he can keep on not overthinking about how this much focus on him and questions he doesn't really have answers for is discomforting. ] You're acting like it's a lack of life experience or opportunity to get out there and just do whatever that's the problem rather than what it really is.
[ though he has to raise a brow at the last thing, because even if it's in jest: ] Are you basically putting me under house arrest, or medical leave?
[ he Does Not ask when the last time Julius healthily indulged in his hobbies was. pasta margherita does not count. ]
Well, do you think you'll find the things you want to do by just shutting yourself in the CEO's office? I thought maybe getting to... go out and be, no fractured dimensions, no expectations, might be a good way to help clear your mind, but if you think that would be counter productive, I'll stop pushing it as much.
[ ... ]
I think Jude might still have his medical license... He could probably sign the leave papers. Or maybe Rowen knows someone...
[ the last time Julius tried tinkering with the spyrix in the apartment (read: kitchen), he didn't hear the end of it from Ludger for weeks. he has learned his lesson. ]
... I feel like I should be concerned about how much thought you're putting into this. I'm not a Rieze Maxian citizen, you realize? You have some powerful friends, but I imagine the kinds of connections your friend the Prime Minister would have ...
[ third option: is he being put into witness protection??????]
There's really no need to go that far. I did say it'd only be an interim measure. While it's not like running Spirius was ever a goal of mine, I can't say I mind it enough to say it's objectionable to me. [ julius will tolerate a lot for the sake of duty and obligation, after all. ]
Truthfully, though ... I'm not sure what I'd do with that kind of time. Not when it's all focused on me. I understand what you're trying to do, but ... You saw that last— fracture, at the end. You know what they are, too. Not all that much was different, fundamentally, just ...
[ just. everything was taken care of. Spyrite research was on the rise. the two countries' relationship with each other was thriving, its citizens not nearly so wary of each other as they are in the real world. everyone was taken care of. he didn't even have it in him to wish ill on Bisley or Rideaux, in that dimension. ]
Well, you're technically MIA, plus I need some time to do my part, so it's probably better to be discreet, right...?
[ just take the fucking vacation?????????? ]
... Julius. When we go back - the Trial will be over. Fractured dimensions, divergence catalysts, Chronos and Origin - it won't be part of our lives anymore.
[ everything will be starting down the road Julius dreamed of - except Elle will be there too. ]
You deserve to have a fuller life. And I worry that if I just leave things alone, you won't... have one.
[ because he won't try. because he'll just keep spinning his wheels in the same rut and dig himself deeper and deeper. ]
[ ... julius just glances away at that. there's things he could say, probably. probably, though, none of them will be helpful either. what could he possibly respond to that with, when by now ludger's been witness to all the rot in julius's past and psyche that's left him guilty wanting anything for himself at all, felt like asking for too much? still feels like too much, the weight of being someone Ludger would argue so strongly to keep in his life as terrifying as it might be vindicating, validating, cathartic, or some other number of similar words.
eventually he just sighs, long and quiet. ]
... Ah, how did we get here? You weren't ever supposed to worry about me like this. [ it's soft, wistfully fond. considering they're basically sat right next to each other, he doesn't have to inject any more strength into it to make the words carry, even if they've refused to look at each other for most of the conversation. ] You were supposed to grow up, go off on your own one day to chase after your own happiness, whatever that looked like, and forget all about me. I was always happy you stayed, but I used to worry that I'd sheltered you too much, back when you only really had Nova and Aaron for friends. I don't have to worry about that anymore, but ...
[ ... 'when', huh. ]
... so, what. Say things work out, however it is you're expecting them to. Dragging me back to the Prime with you, or back together from the Soul Bridge, or ... whatever it is you're imagining. Are you going to explain what happened here to your friends?
[ Ludger patiently, silently waits out the planned route of his life. his brother really is an idiot, isn't he. did he really think Ludger would just walk out the door, and his life, forever? that all the years of growing together, living together, were so easily brushed off?
well. apparently that's what Julius did think, even without the circumstances Ludger found himself in. ]
Is there a reason I shouldn't? They're pretty open minded, you know. Besides, I want to introduce Wazy to them - that's a little hard to do if I lie about how we met.
[ better that than the alternative, because a future with Julius in it was never in the cards, one way or another, and he's been prepared for his own death for so long. because he'd tried — tried to give Ludger the room and space for a life after him, and made the attempt at minimizing any reason to mourn. ]
It's as simple as that, huh.
[ ... still. is there an echo in here. book ends... ]
... Sort of makes you wonder whether Dr. Mathis has been carrying around foreknowledge of this place for a year. I only briefly saw him, between all of the rest of it, but ... he's younger here than as you knew him, isn't he?
[ and yet, there certainly seems to be a running thread through all of Julius's plans - of Ludger leaving without a word while Julius still lived. it's telling, in its own way. ]
Yeah, he is. He's gotta be from before he made his career switch, if nothing else. I'll have to ask him about it the next time I see him.
[ ... he abruptly remembers when he was yanked from. ]
[ of course. if he'd left, after all of what was revealed ... well, that's just natural. it's only to be expected. and if Ludger loves him — might even have it in him to forgive him, then it's because his brother has a kind heart. it's really no reflection on Julius.
... well, that was how it was, anyway. ]
Maybe after things have settled somewhat would be best, hmm? I might not actually know exactly what happened for you there in Canaan ... but I can't imagine the immediate aftermath of it being the best time for that kind of question no matter how you shake it.
... I don't know how this is going to work, exactly. People aren't exactly supposed to come back from that sort of thing, and the time difference...
[ in the end, he can't help but fret, a heavy sigh escaping him on the exhale. still, his expression is gentle as he lets himself glance over his shoulder towards Ludger. ]
But— well, if I'd said no at this point it'd simply be cruel, wouldn't it?
Besides. I told you, didn't I? It's not so bad, going along with a little brother's whims. I might not have been able to before, but I'd like to spare you this particular heartache if I can.
[ he did say he remembered his time half-transformed in bits and pieces. that does mean he remembers what was said to him then, too. ]
[ ah, yes, the would-have-been fate of any kresnik taken to canaan: missing with no body as proof for those at Spirius to present as evidence of their deaths. small conveniences now. if someone in particular objects maybe they can just argue that they've literally zero precedent for soul bridges before this, who's to say this isn't how it works. ]
... of course. If that's what you'd like. Though, I really don't know what I'm going to do with that kind of time. Not even keeping me on call for any emergencies?
[ baffling. an unknown concept. that was how it used to be, after all— even on his days off he was on call for emergent situations, and while you've plenty of your own time while on the run you're always looking over your shoulder. meanwhile... ]
Are you at least going to pay me for all the PTO I've accrued, or you going to hold out on reinstating me just to make sure I take that vacation you're insisting on?
[ no one's completed a Trial before - maybe Origin is more benevolent than all the stories imply. Ludger is certainly fine presenting that argument to the baffled Kresnik descendants. it's not like he has any compunctions about creatively reinterpreting events to them.
at the question, he can't help but slant a vaguely suspicious look Julius's way. hmmmm, is this his way of avoiding thinking or his need to be helpful...? ]
I can, though I can't imagine how many emergencies there will be with the Fractured Dimensions gone. And most monsters aren't tough enough that they can't be handled by other parties.
[ maybe someone else can finally make use of the job boards, now that Ludger doesn't have quite the need to monopolize them anymore. ]
Well, I'd hate for you to have to use all your caches up. But wouldn't paying you for all the PTO count as "cashing you out"? If you want to retire early so bad, I don't have an issue with that...
[ he's teasing. he knows Julius would rather die, given their entire conversation up to this point. ]
[ why are you analyzing his motivations for something he's trying to half joke about (and apparently not really succeeding in). is he really that bad. is this what Ludger thinks of him now. that's just a little ... ]
Not all of it at once? ... How long are you putting me on [ medical leave ] vacation for that you can even joke about that?
[ oh, that's a dangerous smile. used to be that only meant the threat of Eggplant For Dinner, but now... ]
You're the one who just said for it to not be used all at once, or else have it count as cashing me out...
[ are you really going to put him on. six months of leave. what, is ludger going to ship him out to some remote rieze maxian temple somewhere for those six months. ]
downright reasonable? maybe he shouldn't say anything in case ludger starts thinking he started too low. ]
... sure. Come to think of it, I'll probably end up laying low for most of it anyway. At least until the charges are properly sorted.
[ though given the amount of NPCs that were ready to cry foul play and underhanded dealings, 'no way there's no way julius did what they're accusing him of', already even when the charges were fresh, well. that might or might not take too long. ]
Ah, to be able to show my face in public again somewhere that isn't Duval, a fractured dimension, or somewhere in the remote outskirts of Rieze Maxia. What a thought.
no subject
Is it really so different? Somehow, I feel like this is the kind of talk that ends up in you telling me to go try out golf or something. I'll give it a fair shake and come back stating the obvious: that it's a terrible sport, and that I don't know why it's the stereotypical pastime for rich people who have nothing better to do with their spare time.
[ ... thinks about who's left of the board of directors. doesn't mention it to Ludger.
continues to dodge any discussion of his wants. ]
Planning on retiring off the nest egg you'll be getting from however long as CEO, huh? Secretary usually isn't in the list of candidates for this sort of thing, but who knows, maybe you can push to get her a promotion to Director or CFO or COO or something before you make HR sick enough of you.
no subject
[ come on, bro, Ludger would at least Start with something he knows Julius likes.
anyways, he sees that dodge and with a roll of his eye, puts his foot down. ]
Okay, so no leading Spirius for you. I'll make sure to get it added to company charter.
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[ though he has to raise a brow at the last thing, because even if it's in jest: ] Are you basically putting me under house arrest, or medical leave?
no subject
Well, do you think you'll find the things you want to do by just shutting yourself in the CEO's office? I thought maybe getting to... go out and be, no fractured dimensions, no expectations, might be a good way to help clear your mind, but if you think that would be counter productive, I'll stop pushing it as much.
[ ... ]
I think Jude might still have his medical license... He could probably sign the leave papers. Or maybe Rowen knows someone...
no subject
... I feel like I should be concerned about how much thought you're putting into this. I'm not a Rieze Maxian citizen, you realize? You have some powerful friends, but I imagine the kinds of connections your friend the Prime Minister would have ...
[ third option: is he being put into witness protection?????? ]
There's really no need to go that far. I did say it'd only be an interim measure. While it's not like running Spirius was ever a goal of mine, I can't say I mind it enough to say it's objectionable to me. [ julius will tolerate a lot for the sake of duty and obligation, after all. ]
Truthfully, though ... I'm not sure what I'd do with that kind of time. Not when it's all focused on me. I understand what you're trying to do, but ... You saw that last— fracture, at the end. You know what they are, too. Not all that much was different, fundamentally, just ...
[ just. everything was taken care of. Spyrite research was on the rise. the two countries' relationship with each other was thriving, its citizens not nearly so wary of each other as they are in the real world. everyone was taken care of. he didn't even have it in him to wish ill on Bisley or Rideaux, in that dimension. ]
no subject
[ just take the fucking vacation?????????? ]
... Julius. When we go back - the Trial will be over. Fractured dimensions, divergence catalysts, Chronos and Origin - it won't be part of our lives anymore.
[ everything will be starting down the road Julius dreamed of - except Elle will be there too. ]
You deserve to have a fuller life. And I worry that if I just leave things alone, you won't... have one.
[ because he won't try. because he'll just keep spinning his wheels in the same rut and dig himself deeper and deeper. ]
no subject
eventually he just sighs, long and quiet. ]
... Ah, how did we get here? You weren't ever supposed to worry about me like this. [ it's soft, wistfully fond. considering they're basically sat right next to each other, he doesn't have to inject any more strength into it to make the words carry, even if they've refused to look at each other for most of the conversation. ] You were supposed to grow up, go off on your own one day to chase after your own happiness, whatever that looked like, and forget all about me. I was always happy you stayed, but I used to worry that I'd sheltered you too much, back when you only really had Nova and Aaron for friends. I don't have to worry about that anymore, but ...
[ ... 'when', huh. ]
... so, what. Say things work out, however it is you're expecting them to. Dragging me back to the Prime with you, or back together from the Soul Bridge, or ... whatever it is you're imagining. Are you going to explain what happened here to your friends?
no subject
well. apparently that's what Julius did think, even without the circumstances Ludger found himself in. ]
Is there a reason I shouldn't? They're pretty open minded, you know. Besides, I want to introduce Wazy to them - that's a little hard to do if I lie about how we met.
no subject
It's as simple as that, huh.
[ ... still. is there an echo in here. book ends... ]
... Sort of makes you wonder whether Dr. Mathis has been carrying around foreknowledge of this place for a year. I only briefly saw him, between all of the rest of it, but ... he's younger here than as you knew him, isn't he?
no subject
Yeah, he is. He's gotta be from before he made his career switch, if nothing else. I'll have to ask him about it the next time I see him.
[ ... he abruptly remembers when he was yanked from. ]
Well. Maybe a little after that...
no subject
... well, that was how it was, anyway. ]
Maybe after things have settled somewhat would be best, hmm? I might not actually know exactly what happened for you there in Canaan ... but I can't imagine the immediate aftermath of it being the best time for that kind of question no matter how you shake it.
no subject
[ it'd be too easy to sweep under the rug if that happened. ]
... So you'll come back? With me? You'll keep living?
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[ in the end, he can't help but fret, a heavy sigh escaping him on the exhale. still, his expression is gentle as he lets himself glance over his shoulder towards Ludger. ]
But— well, if I'd said no at this point it'd simply be cruel, wouldn't it?
Besides. I told you, didn't I? It's not so bad, going along with a little brother's whims. I might not have been able to before, but I'd like to spare you this particular heartache if I can.
[ he did say he remembered his time half-transformed in bits and pieces. that does mean he remembers what was said to him then, too. ]
no subject
[ it's fine, surely. while Spirius might know about Julius's "passing", has anything official been declared? i say No. ]
Thank you. This is... I'm really glad you'll still be in my, and Elle's lives. [ ... ] You still have to take a vacation, though.
[ there's no escaping Medical Leave ]
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... of course. If that's what you'd like. Though, I really don't know what I'm going to do with that kind of time. Not even keeping me on call for any emergencies?
[ baffling. an unknown concept. that was how it used to be, after all— even on his days off he was on call for emergent situations, and while you've plenty of your own time while on the run you're always looking over your shoulder. meanwhile... ]
Are you at least going to pay me for all the PTO I've accrued, or you going to hold out on reinstating me just to make sure I take that vacation you're insisting on?
no subject
at the question, he can't help but slant a vaguely suspicious look Julius's way. hmmmm, is this his way of avoiding thinking or his need to be helpful...? ]
I can, though I can't imagine how many emergencies there will be with the Fractured Dimensions gone. And most monsters aren't tough enough that they can't be handled by other parties.
[ maybe someone else can finally make use of the job boards, now that Ludger doesn't have quite the need to monopolize them anymore. ]
Well, I'd hate for you to have to use all your caches up. But wouldn't paying you for all the PTO count as "cashing you out"? If you want to retire early so bad, I don't have an issue with that...
[ he's teasing. he knows Julius would rather die, given their entire conversation up to this point. ]
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Not all of it at once? ... How long are you putting me on [ medical leave ] vacation for that you can even joke about that?
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I mean, you're the one who accrued... what, 6 months? Of PTO? Seems to me like you're the one that's behind on using your leave.
[ it's somewhere around there. he thinks. probably. ]
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You're the one who just said for it to not be used all at once, or else have it count as cashing me out...
[ are you really going to put him on. six months of leave. what, is ludger going to ship him out to some remote rieze maxian temple somewhere for those six months. ]
no subject
Let's start with two weeks, how about that?
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downright reasonable? maybe he shouldn't say anything in case ludger starts thinking he started too low. ]
... sure. Come to think of it, I'll probably end up laying low for most of it anyway. At least until the charges are properly sorted.
[ though given the amount of NPCs that were ready to cry foul play and underhanded dealings, 'no way there's no way julius did what they're accusing him of', already even when the charges were fresh, well. that might or might not take too long. ]
no subject
It shouldn't take too long. Please look forward to your cleared name.
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Ah, to be able to show my face in public again somewhere that isn't Duval, a fractured dimension, or somewhere in the remote outskirts of Rieze Maxia. What a thought.